About
This is a chronicle of a squishy girl's journey to become a little less, well, squishy.Following
i fell off the wagon again. but i’m also getting back on the wagon again.
i have a half marathon on august 1st that i haven’t been training for. i haven’t worked out/ate healthily aka taken care of myself regularly in, oh, about three months. which is actually alright because the last time i fell off the wagon, it took me technically a year, but in reality three years to get back onto the wagon.
so tumblr friends, what have i missed? =]
i’m back after a 5 week hiatus. 5 weeks of emotional eating and no exercise means that i’m back to 180 pounds. scary, huh?
i can’t believe it’s may already! it’s so silly because when i fall off the wagon like i did these past few weeks, i’m not happy, and i’m not living life. however, when i’m exercising regularly and eating healthy, i have a lot more energy, i feel more confident in myself, i get shit done. so why do i keep on falling into this cycle of exercising & eating healthy/not exercising & binging? i guess i just have a hard time with that “moderation part.”
i went for a 1.6 mile run today. it’s been so long since i’ve ran, and i was afraid that my body would forget how to do it, but it didn’t. it was definitely harder than the last time especially since i’m carrying a lot more weight around than a month ago.
i also bought a bike today and went for an hour long bike ride. it felt great.
and i signed up for a half marathon a coupla weeks ago. so i have to change my lifestyle habits if i want to drag my ass across that finish line. missed you tumblrs.
i just ate four kashi dark chocolate with coconut granola bars and feel quite sick now. i want to go for a run tonight, but feeling a little nauseated.
i stepped on the scale this morning to sneak a little peek and saw 161. down .6 pounds since monday and am kind of disappointed.
and that’s why the scale is my friend and my enemy. it helps affirm or confirm when i’m doing well or not so well, but it’s also become my fixation during this weight loss journey. i should be happy (and part of me is) that i’ve lost weight instead of gaining. i should be proud of myself for running the shamrock shuffle in under an hour. and i should be excited that i’m wearing my new size 10 skinny jeans and one cup smaller bra today and that they fit rather comfortably (i don’t feel like a sausage!). but for whatever reason, i’m letting this little white scale tell me how i should feel, and that’s just plain silly. especially since this unhealthy fixation is one of the triggers for me binging, which is even sillier with all its self-destruction.
so i think i’m going to take a break again from the scale. and hopefully not give in to binging or overeating. a coupla of my friends are coming into town this weekend, and i’m hoping to still make healthy choices while they’re here.
keep me on track, tumblrs? =]
it kinda makes me happy and a little proud of myself that 5k is a regular weekly run instead of a goal. i’m hoping that one day i’ll feel that way about a five mile run.
3.2 miles in 38 minutes and fiiiiive seconds. 11:54 pace!
time for a nice long stretch =]
starting weight - 187.4 pounds
last weigh-in - 175.2
current weight - 161.6
squishyness lost from last weigh-in - 13.6 pounds
total squishyness lost - 25.8 pounds!
i haven’t weighed myself since march 1, and i have to admit that i was hoping to see the 150s on the scale or at least 160 because that’s how i feel. but i realize that i feel 160 because i just ran an 8k in 58 minutes 48 seconds, which is a 11:49 pace, i haven’t fallen off the wagon for three weeks, i bought some jeans and a bra this past weekend that are both smaller sizes than i have been wearing, and so regardless of what the scale tells me, i know that i am on the right track =]
i just need to get my mind straight and not let the scale dictate how i feel. because well, that’s just plain silly.
It has been MONTHS since I last wrote. As usual, when I do poorly or fail, I stop writing, despite all my claims that I will write about the good and the bad.
Last October”ish”, I was dealing with some pretty bad back problems that have continued through today. My doctors told me NOT to exercise…
i struggle with these feelings every month. i’ve fallen off the proverbial wagon and somehow managed to pick myself up each time. but it took almost three years before i began this journey. it’s hard, and it sucks, and it’s scary, and i can’t explain why the decision to be healthy and happy is so hard to make, but i feel you, i really do, and i know you can make it. keep on writing, it helps sort out your feelings about all of this, and i promise it will help a little because part of this is exploring who we are under all this squishyness =]
tentative fitness schedule for the week:
monday: 1.6 miles run, strength training biceps & triceps
tuesday: core strength training
wednesday: 3.2 mile run
thursday: rest
friday: 3.2 mile run
saturday: rest or strength training shoulders, chest, & back
sunday: 5 mile run
i’m debating with myself whether or not i should weigh in tomorrow. i’ve been trying to avoid the scale because i was getting too stressed out about my weekly weigh-ins. but i think it might be a good idea to start weighing myself regularly just so that i can see where i slip up and where i do well. i just need to make sure not to beat myself up over the numbers.
what do yalls think?
